Tuesday, March 13, 2007

Bad Bad dream

First it is important to understand that I can have dreams in my dreams. Yes, my dreams are so complicated that it is hard to explain them but I will try. Just remember this whole story is not real. Thank God.

I dreamed that Ileigh drowned. I went to a house and was seeing all these people that I used to be friends with in High school. They were putting on these really cool old shows on the TV. I wasn't even aware that I had a child let alone knew I should be watching one. I am not sure where I was but then I was told Ileigh was dead.

Now for the strange part.

I kept telling myself no, I don't have a child she isn't dead. Then (still in my dream), I would go to sleep and dream about Ileigh. She was alive and fine. One dream was that I called the daycare in a panic to check on her after my mother told me she had drowned. Of course the daycare phone went to some weird phone that I thought was a recording until I started yelling and pleading that I get the daycare room. Finally someone said, okay and it rang in the right room. When I asked if Ileigh was there and okay they said yes she is right here behind me. I sighed relief and told my mom she was being ridiculous and that Ileigh was fine. Only it turned out that was just my subconcious not accepting the fact that she was gone.

So my mom started taking me to a psychiatrist. She would tell them my child was drowned and I was not accepting it. It wasn't until several sessions later that I was able to recall what had happened.
I was at that house talking with people I used to know when Ileigh went out back. It was an olympic sized pool. It had an inflatable slide at one end. She wanted up the slide so bad. She braved the ladder up there and slid down so proudly. She got to the bottom and there was a bubble rim to catch her. When there was no one there to help her off she slid into the pool. While I was telling the dr. it was like a movie of me being able to watch her struggle and die. I just started balling in the office and couldn't believe what I was saying.

Then I woke myself up. I have been sad all day about this dumb dream. I must be worried about losing my Ileigh to the new baby or something. Well she got lots of hugs and kisses this morning!


Melinda (Mindy) said...

Big hugs ... I will comment more on BIJ about this dream. So sorry you had to have a dream like this. :(


geo_wally said...

I have really complicated and weird dreams practically every night. However, I still remember vividly the dream I had of you drowning when you were about Ileigh's age. I tried to save you but never could get deep enough to reach you and you just slipped away.